Pretends

Today I spent 90% of my day not me. I got to be "friend" or "pretends mom" or a rock star on The Voice named Sandy. I could be vacuuming, but we were actually "pretends vacuuming a hotel room, okay mom?" I was folding laundry. "Pretends this laundry is our friends' and they were looking for it…"

It does not matter the day, Millie transforms this house into whatever place she is at in her mind. And how lucky am I that I get to go these places with her every day!

Six years ago I decided to stop working for the obvious two reasons. One, childcare is insanely expensive and we were living on a small income as it was. And two, I always knew it was in me to stay home. We lived on less than half of what we do today. And if we had that income today with three kids we would not be living in this house. We'd still be living in the 267. We would not travel as much. And most definitely I would still not be working. We would try to make it work as best we could. We would because there is no way I want to miss hanging out with these hooligans everyday playing black ops on a mission for club crackers. I can work when they don't like me anymore. And that is going to happen sooner than later. 

Now, I know some people have to work to make ends meet. I get that. It's just, for me, if there is a way to make it work and I get to stay home with my kids during these short, short years, I am going to take it. Not because we do crafts every day and laugh and hug each other. That does not happen. I will leave that to the creative, never tired, always happy mothers out there pinning their ten fun things to do with pipe cleaners. Ain't nobody got time for that. I have time to yell at them for farting too close too me. I yell at them for not eating. I yell at them for not listening. I yell at them again for farting too close to me.

But after the air clears there are moments that absolutely blow my mind. Moments that make me laugh so hard because my four year old just called her brother a "glorious, ridiculous fart smeller." Moments where I hear Jack ask Millie,"If you please play school I will play whatever you want." And she says,"Sure, Jack!" And then they play for hours. That's when I feel like I am doing something right.
I thought that by me staying home I could teach them so much. Go on so many adventures. And that in the end, it would be best for them. But I have learned that it doesn't matter. My kids could go to daycare and we would still see first smiles, first steps, first days of school. They would still love me just as much. What I figured out real quick is, me staying home has not been for their benefit, but for my own. And that is worth every paycheck I have not cashed in six years.