Not all posts are easy to write

Last night all the kids were in bed, and had stayed there so far. Chris was watching the game at his parents with his dad. I decided to run a bath. These moments are rare. I look forward to them. I read or just let my thoughts bounce around. Tonight I only have one in my mind. And it is that I have failed my child. And all I can do is fill the tub with tears.

Jack had a birthday party earlier in the day. After dropping him off I ran into another mom and we started chatting. Right away she told me that her son had told her that Jack and a few other kids had been teasing a boy at school. Lots of kids tease to some degree. I feel at this age kids are trying to figure out how to socialize, what is acceptable, what isn't. But my heart dropped to the sidewalk when she told me who it was. 

This boy was born early and has some physical disabilities. This boy is darling and is your typical 6 year old kid from what I have observed on field trips. All I could think was, not my Jack. Would he? No! He is a sweet boy. But then I thought yes, he very well could.  He is growing up and changing everyday. Trying to find his way. And if others were involved, absolutely this could be true. But hadn't we taught him well enough?

I tried to think about six year old boys. There is lots of name calling and "I'm not your friend anymore!" type of banter that goes on. Also, Jack hasn't seen many people with disabilities before. But he should still know better. Especially because last year his class had a little boy who was behind and could be disruptive and difficult. The class had so much patience and understanding with him. Where did that go? Have we as parents not taught him better? All I could think about was this little kiddo's thoughts of feeling different being solidified by my son pointing and saying those things. It is awful. It is not the son we are raising whether he is six years old or sixteen.

Then I had to dry my eyes and become a parent. You know, those moments where you go, "Whoa, I have very large responsibilities. Think this one out Em." We wanted his side of course, so we sat him down. I won't go into the details, but it was a good talk. And when you have those good talks, something hits you. These are the learning moments. For him. For us. It wasn't our fault or his fault that he didn't know the best way to handle that situation. He does now. We as parents can not make him handle every moment in life to the best of his abilities. We can sure try. But he will also need sit down talks with his parents after the fact sometimes. We are all human. 

My heart may be a little broken for awhile, but I hope that piece went and filled Jack's with a little compassion and understanding.